I burst into my parent's house last week and my mom's first words were, "Oh my goodness, your face is glowing, have you met a man?"
haha!
It was a few things, honestly. (Meeting a man was not one of them.) ;) I get massively inspired by my work and had some major break throughs that week. But I've also been learning & applying so much about balance and mindfulness. Truth and Love.
I forgot to eat for two days that week because I was so on fire about my work projects and what I've learned and experienced. I'm not saying that eating part is good, it's not. (I'm still working on the discipline of work/health balance.)
But what is good, is finding the things that make you come alive and get lost in time and space- a state of flow.
If your mom ever tells you that your face is glowing and you forgot to eat two days in one week, then I'm pretty darn sure you've found something you should stick with.
It's good to be back writing, but also intimidating because I haven't written in so long- between getting sick with Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever and then traveling hard core for a couple months, I haven't had time or energy to write, let alone, SO MUCH HAPPENED, I didn't even know where to start.
I have a thousand things I want to write about, but I can only fit a few into this post. The rest will come later.
So here we go.
I took off from Nashville in my car on November 1st. The plan was to road trip all of the southern states and back home to WA just in time for Thanksgiving (Nov 22) and then fly out to Iceland, Norway, Ireland, Scotland and England Nov 25th.
My first stop was Asheville, NC.
I went East before going South because I heard so many good things about Asheville and Charleston. (Beautiful places!!!)
I remember people telling me Asheville would be my jam. I always said I was a free spirit and loved organic, hippie stuff and Asheville is kind of like the hippie capitol of the USA.
Pretty sure every time I said I was a hippie my family would say, "You are not a hippie. Do you even know what a hippie is?". But I fought for my hippie identity. ;) haha!
I rolled into Asheville, walked the town, stayed the night in a tiny house.
And I'm telling you, Asheville was funky!!
After I left, I called home:
"Hey guys, just wanted to let you know I visited Asheville.
And I am not a hippie."
(However there is no way I'm giving up my Pachouli.)
I think we all burst into laughter. And I may or may not have heard a huge sigh of relief from my mom.
Don't get me wrong, Asheville is beautiful (The Blue Ridge mountains have so much soul, I can't even describe it!) and I have nothing against it or hippies. I'm not abandoning you guys.
It's just, I started to find out more about myself as I was immersed in other cultures.
I'm not saying this was a TOTAL identity crisis, but for reals, it kind of was, because I was actually really surprised about how I felt after staying there. I didn't feel a strong sense of direction or structure. It didn't feel very grounded and all the bright, swirling colors were not my thing.
I remember calling my Dad and saying something like "Ok, Dad, so if I can't use the word hippie to describe myself than what word do I use? If I'm not a total conformist or a total non conformist, then what am I?"
He said,
"Don't try and fit yourself in a box, Kam, the coolest people are the ones that don't."
So, I continued on, open to whatever I might learn next.
I found it in Phoenix and then again in Norway. I went into a home furnishing store in AZ called Arhaus and instantly felt at home. Duh! ;) But really, the colors, the style, it resonated with my soul.
I was kind of in a state of soul searching by this point so I found a worker and asked her, "What do you call this?" as I spread my arms. "What is this style, this feel?".
A huge smile broke across her face.
I was looking for 1 word but she gave me about 10.
She said, "It isn't just one style. It's a collective."
That's when it hit me. The age old wisdom about life being a balance.
Two weeks later I stepped off the plane into Norway and felt that same "home" feeling come back.
What the heck.
I was not expecting this, because Norway is highly structured, with rules and systems and it's expensive.
But I bet you a million dollars my face was glowing when I stepped off that plane. I think it caused a little voice in my head to whisper, "Wait. Remember you're a free spirit, Kam?" Free spirits don't like rules."
But they were good systems and they worked well. And yes, it was expensive but you got what you paid for. It felt grounded.
I fell in love with Scandinavian architecture and engineering. High quality, streamline, simple, beautiful.
Seeing different cultures operate made me realize that although I may consider myself a free spirit (someone who paves their own path, thinks outside of the box, easy going/adaptable, creative) I actually do love structure far more than I realized. Discipline, focus- all of that- is not suffocating, but in fact liberating, because it all ultimately gives you freedom and does a really good job getting you where you want to go.
Like the lady said in the store, it's not just one thing, it's the balancing of them all.
As we traveled, my friend Rachael brought up the importance of balancing truth and love and I felt that tie in with all of my soul searching thoughts from Asheville to Norway.
If you only live out truth (masculine energy), you are a harsh, rigid. If you only live out love (feminine energy), you are TOO nice, not standing up when you need to... and who wants to be a push over? If you balance both, truth + love, you're basically badass. ;)
So, of course, after talking so much about it, we were aware of these principles as we spent the next three weeks together. The times we nailed the balance, it was one of the most empowering things that I have ever experienced. It honestly feels like learning how to wield a sword. Hallejuah. Amen.
"for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Tim 1:7
For those who have asked about my health- I'm going to go into the Dr. some final testing and hopefully I'm over the worst. (Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever was treated, but he wanted to do a final analysis on the possibility of Lyme, which I'm hopeful is negative) .
But like one heath advisor told me, "It's not so much the mindset of focusing on getting rid of the thing but gathering as much health as you can!!!"
So that is my mindset with this.
I've been eating alkaline, non-inflammatory (mainly no gluten, sugar, dairy), organic as possible, lots of supplements, rest and exercise. Focusing on building my immune system and gut health as much as I can.
I also started taking Plexus which is really embarrassing to say because it was one of those things I said I would never take. I may have even made fun of it. But when you feel like you're dying and want your old self back, and person after person kept pointing back to Plexus, I thought, why the heck not. And now, I can trace my turning point of feeling like my best self to when I started Plexus.
After I was diagnosed (Sept) I started being SO consistent with all of the above, and I ended up feeling, being and looking the healthiest I ever have in my entire life!!!!! I started noticing improvements in all areas of my life- the acne that I struggled with for 6 years has been gone ever since!! This has been huge for me because it's something I've tried so hard to get rid of with so many regimens and have even gone to dermatologists for. The results came from non-inflammatory eating (not one bit of sugar, grains, dairy) and keeping a stable blood sugar, which Plexus is all about. Also, I'm not saying this to get anyone signed up. If you truly are interested, I have friends I'll direct you to sign up with just as proof that I'm not in it for profit. ;)
Early Jan, I had some bad days show up and someone suggested that my fight or flight was stuck on, as they had something similar. Their Limbic system was dysfunctioning-- the part of the brain which plays a huge part in remembering past events that were traumatic and so even though the event(s) are over your body is still re-living it every day. Ugh. I took her advice on how to re-wire my Limbic system to tell it that everything is ok now and "thank you for taking care of me, but you're working overtime now". No joke, the symptoms went away.
Health is such a mind, body, spirit connection.
I am so, so passionate about all of this.
Self love is self discipline.
As far as what's next in my life-
I'm gonna be in WA for now. It feels so right to be home! I’ve got some work back here, friends & family to catch up with, & weddings.
To clarify what I'm doing with my life (I get that question a lot)- I keep my tiny house and roots in WA and temporarily move around to new places to grow my work and myself as a person.
Nashville was just my first stop and I didn't plan to move there permanently.
However, I just so happened to fall in love with TN as much as the West Coast so I did stay longer than expected and do plan to visit to continue to grow my work and friendships there. My heart is in both places. I love them both and am so lucky to have access to both.
My cousins in TN mailed me a house key and said "Just so you know you always have a home with us." I cried. haha! :) Love them SO much. I have to say, one of the best parts of 2018 was growing close to all of my cousins, who now are a huge part of my life and who I am today.
I didn't make big plans for 2019 like I did for 2018.
I know that's a good place for me to be right now. I think one of my big take aways from 2018 was that "doing more"/"the grind" is one of my pitfalls. I'm looking at putting baby steps of consistent effort into my tiny house, health, nature, people I love and my work/art/passion.
I do have stories to publish that I am passionate about from people I met around the world, blog posts coming up on travel, and also new content & plans for my Patreon. I'm sure I'll end up traveling somewhere new this year, but I'm going to let that one unfold as time goes on. I do have a secret hope to go visit my friend Evelyn in Australia. So there is that. ;)
Love you all,
Kami
